Sometimes, promises are really hard to keep.

Promises like, "I'll always love you," or "I'll always be there for you no matter what." But when you think about it, can't even just the small things tear meaningful promises like that apart? Like, one little fight and all of a sudden, you're not there for the person you promised to be there for..

I always knew that I would never completely fall out of love with the person I truly gave my heart to for the first time. I know I won't. But sometimes, everything doesn't happen the way I want them to. People grow, people change, they move, they rearrange their lives, and the puzzle just ends up not fitting together as well as it used to. Even though I am the one who did the heart breaking, it doesn't make my heart any less broken.

Sometimes, I think that people act extremely selfish. It feels like, some people believe that my intentions are always cruel. Like, I am always out to get them. I run towards people with my arms open. I sit here, and wait for phone calls in order to make people feel better, and in return, feel better myself. When you cut me I bleed, when you hurl insults at me and basically tell me I'm worthless in your sight... I cry. Does that make you feel better?

Memories can be a precious thing, and as many things as I could throw away, I will NEVER forget, because my memories go so much deeper than a material thing. As much as some memories tear me apart inside, I still keep them strong because I know that next time I go to that place, see that person, or hold that object to my heart, I will once relive that precious memory again. Even though it might make me cry, my heart will be warm.

I wish I was more than this.
I wish I had more of what people want.
I wish I could figure out what I am doing wrong, to make some people so unhappy.

I know I'm not supposed to slip back into my bad old habits, but sometimes it REALLY is hard. Because I'm missing part of me. I'm missing an ENTIRE PART of me. I don't think he even realizes that he might not be the only one who is suffering.

I guess I'm done trying to make sense of my feelings to someone who could careless if I were in Austria or America, alive or in the grave. It's not like my feelings were worth much in the first place.